Pompey smash the Stoke pottery

If you enjoy watching a team systematically dismantle their own reputation on a wet Saturday in the Potteries, then the bet365 Stadium was the place to be. Stoke City, a club that has turned "being average" into a high art form, welcomed Portsmouth for a clash that had all the prestige of a middle-aisle Lidl sale.

The drama started after just four minutes when Josef Bursik decided his afternoon was better spent in the treatment room than watching his defense surrender. On came Ben Killip, a man who probably didn't expect to be doing much more than holding a clipboard today. But Portsmouth didn't care about Stoke’s goalkeeping musical chairs. They had Adrian Segecic, who spent the afternoon treating the Stoke defense like decorative training cones.

Segecic opened the scoring after half an hour, capitalising on the kind of defensive positioning usually seen in a primary school playground. It was a STAGGERING lack of awareness from a backline that seemed to be social distancing from the ball. Half-time arrived with the home fans already practicing their best booing techniques, and frankly, who can blame them?

Stoke briefly remembered they were actually paid to play football when Lamine Cissé equalised just after the break. For three glorious minutes, the home support allowed themselves a flicker of hope—a dangerous emotion in this part of the world. Naturally, Segecic was on hand to extinguish it with the cold efficiency of a debt collector.

The Australian winger completed his hat-trick with two more clinical finishes, effectively ending any pretense that Stoke were "competing." It was a CLINICAL masterclass from a Portsmouth side that actually looked like they had a pulse, unlike a Stoke team that seemed more interested in beating the traffic home.

This result sees Portsmouth climb to 18th in the table, now breathing down the neck of a Stoke side that remains stuck in 17th by the skin of their teeth. Only one point separates these two titans of the lower-mid-table, but the momentum is all with the visitors. For the Potters, the only thing they're currently manufacturing is pure, unadulterated disappointment. If they continue this trajectory, "Can they do it on a cold Tuesday night in League One?" might become a very literal, very embarrassing question.