The Great Basque Heist at Anoeta

If you enjoy tactical discipline, clean sheets, and defenders who actually know which way their own goal is facing, I sincerely hope you spent your Sunday afternoon doing literally anything other than watching Real Sociedad and Deportivo Alavés. This wasn’t a football match; it was a 90-minute fever dream where the art of defending was treated as an optional suggestion and the goalkeepers appeared to be participating in a social experiment.

A 3-3 draw is usually described as a "spectacle" by people who don’t have to pay for the blood pressure medication of the respective managers. At the Reale Arena, the entertainment started early when Duje Ćaleta-Car decided that clearing a cross was far too mainstream and instead redirected it into his own net. Not to be outdone in the charity department, Alavés keeper Antonio Sivera later helped a Beñat Turrientes shot into his own goal just to keep things fair. It was amateur hour in professional kits.

The only thing more surprising than the lack of defensive awareness was the brief moment of actual quality from Luka Sučić. His 25-yard thunderbolt briefly reminded the crowd that these people are, theoretically, professional athletes. By half-time, we were locked at 2-2, and both sets of fans looked like they’d just stepped out of a high-speed spin cycle.

Real Sociedad, who started the day in 7th and are desperately clinging to the hope of European football, thought they’d finally secured the points when Orri Óskarsson headed them in front. They were wrong. They were very wrong. Sergio Gómez decided to make things interesting by picking up a RED CARD for a challenge that was more "late-night bar fight" than "elite athlete," leaving his teammates to survive a siege with ten men.

Predictably, they failed. In the 97th minute—because of course it was the 97th minute—Lucas Boyé popped up to snatch a point for 15th-placed Alavés. It was a COMEDY of errors from start to finish. Sociedad stay stuck in the Europa League waiting room, looking more like a team that belongs in the Intertoto Cup, while Alavés continue their noble quest to be the most annoying side in Spain. Absolute CHAOS.