Turkish delight without the sugar

If you tuned into the Estadio de Vallecas expecting a European classic, you likely spent the first forty-five minutes contemplating why you didn't just take up knitting instead. Rayo Vallecano and Samsunspor treated the first half with the kind of cautious indifference usually reserved for a first date between two people who both forgot their wallets. A 0-0 scoreline at the break was the only fair outcome for a period of play where the most adventurous participant was a stray pigeon on the crossbar.

Samsunspor, currently sitting a lofty 3rd in the Süper Lig, arrived in Madrid needing a miracle after their 3-1 collapse in the first leg. Instead of a miracle, they brought a very organized bus and a willingness to wait until the 80th minute to actually try and score. When the goal finally arrived, it was a tidy finish that briefly silenced the Vallecas faithful, but it felt like arriving at a party with a bottle of sparkling water just as the hosts are calling the police to clear everyone out.

For Rayo, this was a masterclass in doing the absolute bare minimum to succeed. Currently languishing in 13th place in La Liga, the Madrilènes played like a team that had already mentally booked their flights for the quarter-finals. They were sluggish, uninspired, and seemingly allergic to the opponent's penalty area. However, thanks to their three-goal blitz in Turkey last week, they managed to stumble across the finish line on AGGREGATE while losing the actual match. It is a very Rayo way to qualify: looking like a Sunday League side for 90 minutes but still progressing because you were slightly less terrible seven days ago.

Tactically, this was a DÉROUTE for anyone hoping for entertainment. Samsunspor will head back to the Black Sea coast with a "victory" that counts for absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. They proved they can win in Spain, which is great for the club's Wikipedia page but useless for their trophy cabinet. Meanwhile, Rayo moves on, proving once again that in the Conference League, you don't actually need to win the match to be the WINNER of the tie. Next time, maybe both teams could try playing football before the 75th minute. One can always dream.