Overijssel chaos in the mud

If you like your football high on quality and low on errors, the MAC³PARK Stadion was the last place you should have been on Saturday night. But if you enjoy the sight of two Eredivisie lightweights swinging wildly at each other while occasionally forgetting how their own legs work, then PEC Zwolle against SBV Excelsior was a masterpiece of beautiful garbage.

The stakes were simple: Zwolle, sitting in 14th, wanted to confirm their status as "not quite terrible enough to go down," while Excelsior arrived in 16th, desperately trying to avoid the trapdoor to the Eerste Divisie. Naturally, they both decided that defending was an optional extra not included in the basic match package.

Anselmo Garcia MacNulty gave Zwolle the lead after 18 minutes, but the joy lasted about as long as a New Year's resolution. Six minutes later, Lance Duijvestijn equalized for the visitors, proving that Zwolle’s backline has the structural integrity of a damp stroopwafel. At 1-1, the half-time whistle was a mercy for everyone involved.

The second half was more of the same glorious incompetence. Odysseus Velanas thought he’d played the hero when he restored Zwolle's lead in the 66th minute. The home crowd started to believe they were witnessing a tactical masterclass. They weren't. They were just watching a slightly less broken team.

But this is Excelsior, a team that refuses to go away, mainly because they do not know where else to go. Deep into stoppage time, Siebe Horemans popped up to make it 2-2. It was PURE CHAOS in the box, and Zwolle’s defense looked like they were participating in a "Mannequin Challenge" from 2016.

For Zwolle, it is two points dropped and a reminder that they are firmly mediocre. For Excelsior, it is a point that keeps their head slightly above the rising tide of relegation, though they remain stuck in that 16th-place playoff purgatory. In the end, nobody won, but at least the neutral got to laugh at the carnage. It was typical Eredivisie: no defense, all vibes, and a total LACK OF DISCIPLINE.