The Cottage industry is open for business

If you spent your Saturday afternoon watching the first forty-five minutes of this encounter, I can only assume you were either a masochist or your remote control had run out of batteries. A 0-0 scoreline at the break was the footballing equivalent of a beige cardigan—functional, perhaps, but ultimately soul-destroying.

Then came the second half, and Burnley actually dared to dream. Zian Flemming poked one home on the hour mark, and for a fleeting seven minutes, the Clarets looked like they might actually escape the gravitational pull of the Championship. It was a lovely delusion while it lasted.

Fulham finally decided to stop daydreaming about their summer holidays and remembered they are actually a Premier League team. Teenage debutant Josh King—who was probably still doing his GCSEs last week—equalized with the kind of composure that Burnley's entire backline has been lacking all season.

From there, it was a TOTAL COLLAPSE from the visitors. Harry Wilson added a second before Raul Jimenez tucked away a penalty in the ninety-eighth minute, just to make sure Burnley’s bus ride home was as miserable as possible. It was a classic case of a team in 19th place doing exactly what teams in 19th place do: finding new and creative ways to lose.

The result leaves Fulham sitting pretty in 13th, the most comfortable and unexciting spot in English football. They aren't going down, they aren't going to Europe, they just exist. Burnley, meanwhile, remain rooted in 19th, staring at the relegation trapdoor with the panicked expression of a man who has just realized he left the oven on.

It was a match that was SPECTACULAR for about thirty minutes, which is roughly twenty-nine minutes more than Burnley have managed all season. At this rate, the only thing they will be claret and blue about is the realization that Tuesday nights at Millwall are officially back on the menu.