Gunners firing blanks

If you spent ninety minutes of your life watching Arsenal and Sporting CP trade polite passes like a pair of nervous teenagers on a first date, I can only offer you my deepest sympathies. There are better ways to waste an evening, such as counting the blades of grass in your backyard or reading the terms and conditions of a software update.

Mikel Arteta’s men arrived at the Emirates with the tactical sophistication of a grandmaster but the finishing power of a damp squib. Arsenal dominated the ball, naturally, because that is what they do. They passed it left, they passed it right, and they occasionally passed it backwards just to make sure the goalkeeper wasn't feeling lonely. It was 'The Process' in its purest, most agonizing form.

Sporting CP, meanwhile, showed up with a game plan that consisted of ten men behind the ball and a collective prayer to the gods of Portuguese pragmatism. They defended like their lives—and their air conditioning bills—depended on it. It wasn't pretty, but it was CERTAINLY effective. By the time the final whistle blew, the Sporting fans were celebrating a point while the rest of us were checking our pulses to ensure we hadn't actually died of boredom.

This result leaves the Gunners in a precarious position in the Champions League standings. Dropping points at home is the cardinal sin of European football, and doing so against a side that seemed more interested in sightseeing than scoring is EMBARRASSING. Arsenal might still have a path to the knockouts, but on this evidence, they couldn't find the back of the net if it was the size of the M25.

The Portuguese visitors head back to Lisbon with a clean sheet and a smug grin, knowing they’ve successfully frustrated one of the Premier League’s supposed heavyweights. As for Arsenal, they’ll head back to the drawing board, presumably to practice the revolutionary concept of actually shooting at the goal. It’s a SHAMBLES, really.