San Siro Sleepwalk

If you decided to skip your Sunday evening mass for this "clash of the titans" at the San Siro, I hope you at least enjoyed the quality of the stadium seating. AC Milan and Juventus played out a 0-0 draw that was so devoid of inspiration it could have been used as a clinical sedative. This was billed as the "Choc entre grandes équipes," but the only thing shocking was the collective refusal of both sets of players to actually test the goalkeepers.

We expected fireworks, or at least a damp squib. What we got was ninety minutes of tactical posturing that made a chess match look like a Fast and Furious marathon. Milan entered the fray sitting in third, looking to cement their podium spot, while Juventus arrived in fourth, presumably with the goal of not losing. Mission accomplished, I suppose, if your definition of success is a stalemate that helps absolutely no one but the blue and black half of the city.

The first half was a masterclass in redundancy. Rafael Leao ran into blind alleys with the dedication of a man lost without GPS, while Dusan Vlahovic spent most of his time appealing for fouls that existed only in his imagination. AT THIS RATE, we might as well have given both teams the point at kickoff and saved everyone the electricity bill for the floodlights.

The second half offered a brief glimmer of hope when a cross actually entered the penalty area, only for it to be cleared by a Juventus defender who looked as bored as the fans in the Curva Sud. Max Allegri’s ghost seems to still haunt the Bianconeri sidelines, as they sat deep and dared Milan to do something. Milan, being polite hosts, declined the invitation.

This result leaves the standings as static as the players' movement on the pitch. Inter Milan are already measuring the curtains for their title party, now sitting comfortably ten points clear at the summit. For Milan and Juve, this draw is a PRECISE definition of treading water. They remain third and fourth respectively, nervously looking over their shoulders at a Roma side that might actually remember how to score a goal.

Ultimately, it was a night where "defensive solidity" was just a polite euphemism for a lack of ambition. If this is the best the "greats" of Italian football can offer, maybe it is time to start watching water polo instead. ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC.