A Bavarian sightseeing tour for the Dea

If you are looking for suspense tonight, you are better off watching paint dry or a documentary on the history of the stapler. FC Bayern München welcomes Atalanta BC to the Allianz Arena for what technically qualifies as a Champions League Round of 16 second leg, though it feels more like court-ordered community service for the Italians.

After the 6-1 demolition in the first leg, Gian Piero Gasperini’s men are not coming to Munich for a miracle; they are coming for the beer. The Dea usually plays a high-pressing, heart-attack-inducing style of football, but in Bergamo, the only thing they pressed was the PANIC button. Harry Kane, who currently sits on 7 Champions League goals and treats elite defenders like minor inconveniences, probably spent his morning deciding which shelf to put his next Golden Boot on.

Bayern sits 2nd in the overall table with 21 points, looking like a terrifying Teutonic machine that has not realized the tie is already dead. They have won seven of their eight games in this competition, scoring 22 goals along the way. They do not just beat you; they erase your dignity from the record books.

Meanwhile, Atalanta is languishing in 15th with 13 points, presumably still wondering how a team that famously conquered Europe two years ago forgot how to mark a striker in the box. Ademola Lookman remains their only real threat with 4 goals, but unless he has secretly developed the ability to clone himself five times before kickoff, he is in for a long, lonely night in the Bavarian cold.

Expect the hosts to rotate their squad, perhaps giving the ball boys a run-out in the second half. Bayern will sleepwalk through this, while Atalanta will just be happy to leave without another half-dozen holes in their pride. It is not a match; it is a victory lap with overpriced tickets.

Prediction: Bayern 3-0 Atalanta