Adlers and Cans: A German Romance

The Bundesliga returns to the Deutsche Bank Park for what marketing executives at a certain energy drink company would call a PRODUCT SHOWCASE, but what the rest of us call a clash of cultures. Eintracht Frankfurt, a club with more history in its left sock than RB Leipzig has in its entire corporate structure, welcomes the Austrian-backed efficiency machine for a battle that could decide who gets to play on Thursday nights in Azerbaijan next season.

Dino Toppmöller’s Frankfurt currently sits 7th in the table with 38 points, which is exactly where you’d expect a team that treats a draw like a SACRED RITUAL to be. They’ve been about as consistent as a Wi-Fi signal in a thunderstorm, but in Jonathan Burkardt (9 goals) and the precocious Can Uzun, they have enough individual brilliance to occasionally distract from the fact they haven't won back-to-back games since the invention of the wheel.

On the other side, we have RB Leipzig, sitting comfortably in 4th with 50 points and a squad that looks like it was assembled by a very expensive algorithm. Marco Rose has them pressing like they’ve all had three cans of the sponsor’s nectar before kickoff. Christoph Baumgartner has been a MENACE with 12 goals and 7 assists, while Yan Diomande is busy justifying every cent of his transfer fee with double-digit goals and a dribbling success rate that makes professional defenders look like they’re wearing ice skates.

Frankfurt will rely on the atmosphere of the Waldstadion to intimidate the visitors, though it’s hard to intimidate a team that doesn't have a soul to begin with. Expect the Eagles to soar for exactly twenty minutes before retreating into a defensive shell, while Leipzig pokes and prods with the clinical detachment of a dental surgeon. It’ll be fast, it’ll be loud, and it’ll probably end with a result that satisfies absolutely no one.

Prediction: Eintracht Frankfurt 1-2 RB Leipzig